They will learn to love this about you
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One of my favorite things to do is to say, “no”. No, I won’t embark on that new project right now. (I have too many unfinished projects already.) No, I’d rather not help out with that volunteer initiative you’ve started. (I’ve overcommitted myself and don’t want to make it worse.) No, this week is not great for meeting for lunch. (I need as much focus time as I can get to ship this new product.) That last one can be tricky. Because people like to feel special. When you say, “this week isn’t good and next week isn’t great either”, they might feel rejected or offended. They might take it personally. So it helps to decline politely. Still, people often notice that I guard my time vigorously. And they’re right. I guard my time because nobody else will do it for me. We can always make more money, but we can never get more time. It’s important not to be uptight about it, of course. Nobody likes a miser. Often, saying “not now” is a better choice than just saying “no”. When you decline politely, and you’re consistent, people will come to appreciate it. They’ll say, “you aren’t quick to commit to something, but when you do, you go for it 100% and I love that about you”. People also appreciate honesty. “Getting lunch together sounds fun, and I’d love to do it at some point, but I want to protect my focus time right now—you know how hard it can be to avoid distractions.” We all suffer from distractions, so most people will get it. Of course, saying “no” to yourself might be the toughest one of them all. No, I won’t chase the shiny new object. No, I won’t stay up late binge-watching YouTube. No, I won’t check my email first thing in the morning. It’s not about being a perfectly disciplined machine. I definitely am not. Not even close! But getting clear on what you won’t do is invigorating. It sharpens your focus on what does deserve your time and attention right now. What will you say “no” to? |
Peter Akkies
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